Sunday, November 16, 2008

Friday's Appointment

I had my normal baseline appointment on Friday morning. Except things did not turn out as they usually do when I'm getting ready to start my meds for a new cycle. When I got there they drew my blood. Then I waited for my ultrasound. As soon as Sarah started the ultrasound I knew something was wrong. She was looking at my left ovary and saw a really big cyst. It was over 3.0 cm. It looked like it almost took up my whole ovary. Then she went to the right and found one on it too. This one only looked like the size of a tennis ball. It was a lot smaller. At that time there was no point at her counting follicles, looking at my uterine lining or anything else.

She stopped the ultrasound and she gave me 2 options. The first one was to start birth control this weekend. The 2nd option was to not take anything this month and see if they went away on there own. If I chose not to do the BC and they were still there at the end of this cycle they would put me on the birth control anyway. I chose to take the birth control with great hesitation. I told myself after taking it with my IVF cycle I would NEVER take birth control again and now look I'm still trying to get pregnant and about to begin another 3 weeks of something that makes me feel horrible. I will begin the nuvaring tonight. I made an appointment for December 1 to come in and do a ultrasound to see if they are going down. I will not be doing any medications this month or treatments. I am now on complete pelvic rest.

We are praying that they do go away this month. We are also praying that they go away and not rupture fast. This can very painful and dangerous. There is a chance if they do not go away surgery may be needed to remove them. Hopefully we won't have to get to that point.

I have to admit I left the office crying and very upset, but not so much that we were having to wait this month out. Jonathan and I had discussed if we should take a break this month. He was starting to get concerned about the stress my body was going through after doing this month after month. I knew in my heart that I probably needed a break too. Not only physically, but emotionally.

Standing there in ART checking out everything just hit me, all the failed treatments, the pain of going through this every month, the desire to have a child that I would put myself through anything to have, the financial stress, the fact that my body as a woman had let me down again, and just everything else. I am so grateful that God made this decision for us. As much as I want this. I know we both need this break.

Alright, It's time to get ready for dinner. Have a great week everyone. I'll be back soon. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Especially during this time. The Holidays were tough on us last year and I'm sure it won't be any easier this time around. Good Nite!


The Cobbs said...

Jessica, you don't know me, but I am Bonnie Cobb's mother. I started reading your blog because I saw it on Bonnie's blog. I want you to know that I am praying for you, Jessica. Your last post touched my heart so deeply. I know your faith in God is strong; I'm sure this would be impossible without His strength. Lam. 3:22-23 "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compasions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Anonymous said...

Well, you don't know me either... and somehow I found your blog.

From a gal that dealt with IF for 9years, I totally understand what you are going through. I have PCOS and went through numerous treatments.
I am sure you have others that are standing by you...including your husband. IF can sure take a toil on a marriage. (hugs)
I will definitely keep up with you and your updates.
Enjoy your break-- and have some YOU time. :)

Heather said...

Jessica, I'm so sorry things did not go like you wanted them to at your appt. I wanted you to know that after my first round of medication I had a 6cm cyst on my right ovary. I was so worried about it possibly rupturing but it actually went away on its own. I'm sure yours will do the same. I know from experience that "taking a break" can be one of the hardest things to do right at this point. Trust in the Lord and give your worries to Him is the best advice I can give you! If you want to talk more about anything just message me on myspace and I can give you my # if you don't have it! Take care and you are always in my prayers! Heather

Tanya said...

I know the pain you are going through. I had the cyst on my left ovary last month and it was almost 5 cm. It's a big heartbreak when you get all excited to hear Sarah say " no meds this month".

I'm praying they go away with the pill and you have great success in December.